You may say that science is tough to figure out. You might argue that mathematics is too difficult to decipher. But when it comes to being complicated, nothing can even come close to relationships. Further the most challenging part is, relationships do not have a defined road map to follow. The most talked about and yet least understood factor in any relationship is trust. Hence, I would highlight every aspect of importance of trust in relationships.
Here “relationships” is a broad term not confined to only your partner or spouse. It stands for all sorts of relations, for instance that with your parents, friends, kids, spouse, colleagues, neighbours and so on.
Before I put across anything, let me give a clear ‘disclaimer’ here. I may sound more like a relationship expert at some point. However, whatever you are going to read are experiences.
Some experiences are first-hand, which I gathered as I met several people along the path in life. Some are indirect ones, that I comprehended from others’ relationships experiences.
Here are 6 honest facts about importance of trust in relationships, that are key to your emotional health.
1. To trust or not to trust in a relationship?
To trust or not to trust in a relationship is part of debate. Some people will suggest to trust whole-heartedly to make a relationship work. Whereas few others will advocate to trust only when you are 100% sure.
So should you trust or not? My answer here would be it depends. It absolutely depends on your personal conditions. My circumstances may not be same as yours and vice versa.
Let us consider 2 distinct scenarios as below.
a. The first scenario is, you trust too much.
In case you are someone, who trusts others too easily, then you need to stop right away. Also if you are blindly in love with someone so much so that you are giving lame excuses for his/her misdeed then pause and re-evaluate yourself.
Never trust with your eyes closed. Don’t let your feelings over power your ability to think. Or else it will hurt you in future, like there is no end to your suffering.
b. The second scenario is when you trust too little.
That means you went through so much in past relationships that now you can barely trust another person. In another words you have developed ‘trust issues’. In the next point I have elaborated how to deal with trust issues in few easy steps.
So the bottom line is don’t trust too much. At the same time don’t distrust someone solely because you were hurt in past relationship.
2. How to deal with trust issues in relationships?
Trust issues occur when you had history of either an awful childhood or rough relationships. You are cheated, betrayed and lied to multiple times in past. Ultimately you stopped placing trust in people.
Trust issue is quite prevalent. It happens to many people. So may be you have trust issues and you are not aware of it. Or may be you know about your trust issues, but you are helpless. Thus below are some methods to deal with trust issues.
- Understand that every person is different, so is every relationship. You can not generalise people.
- Do not hold on to past. Set it free. Live in present. It’s never too late for a new beginning.
- Forgive. Forgiveness is the finest gift you can give yourself. Forgive people and stay at peace. But more than that, forgive yourself for trusting someone, not worthy of your trust. It’s hard, but so so much relieving.
- If you are not able to act on methods mentioned above, and your mind is constantly roaming around then practice meditation. Meditation will help you to deal with horrid memories of past, as it has a healing power.
- If everything else falls flat, then probably you need to consult an expert. Emotion is a basic human need, like food, water etc. Your emotional health is as much valuable as your physical health. So take a break and seek counselling sessions to sort out trust issues.
3. Why trust is rare these days? What is importance of trust in relationships ?
Trust is a precious commodity. It ties up two people in a relationship. From trust comes about respect. And respect makes a relation even stronger.
But a peculiar thing about importance of trust in relationships is, it takes years to build trust and a minute to shatter.
The reason why relations are so fragile these days is, because of lack of trust. But what makes trust so scarce today?
Trust goes hand in hand with honesty. Now a days the frequency with which people lie has increased manyfold. People lie in general to dodge unnecessary questions and arguments. But once truth unveils, it results in broken trust, broken heart and broken relationship.
4. How to build trust in a relationship?
As per psychology of trust in relationships gaining trust is simple.
- Be honest.
- Be yourself.
From our perspective lying is universal. It is a very small issue, so trivial that no one should take it seriously. Furthermore we assure ourselves that telling lie is not bad as long as our intention is noble. But in real life, lies can shake base of a relation.
Suppose the other person finds out that you are lying on a regular basis, which he/she will eventually do, then what will be its repercussions?
When next time you speak something, he/she will no longer be sure whether to rely on you or not. Everything that you say sounds phoney now. Isn’t it? You will loose all credibility and respect In a relationship.
So no matter how harsh it is to tell the truth, just say it. Be honest in a relationship, especially on sensitive issues. I repeat, honesty and truth is the only means to earn trust.
So the bottom line here is don’t wear a fake mask to impress someone. Be truthful.
5. What to do when trust is already lost in a relationship? How to rebuild trust?
Understand the importance of trust in relationships and never ever lie to your partner unless it is absolutely indispensable. Because once you lie, you will gradually be netted in your own web of lies.
As truth has characteristics of revealing itself, it will come out eventually. Then it probably will be too late for damage control. So fix things now.
But what if damage is already done? These are few steps you need to follow in such cases.
- Confess that you lied. Tell how you are willing to improve yourself and make a fresh start.
- Communicate and speak out your mind more often. Since, communication is the key.
- Reconnect and relive the relationship. Certainly there was something in past that bound you both. Remind the other person about it through your actions.
- Commit some time and listen out what another person has to say. This is pretty crucial. Every individual has a desire to be heard. So invest quality time into your relationship and hear out the other person.
It will take some time to reclaim trust but definitely you are gonna make it happen.
6. What if you are trusting the wrong person?
As soon as we get to know that the person who we have trusted so much is lying day in and day out, we usually react by 2 ways mentioned hereunder.
- We break our relationship
- We try to change the other person and carry on with same relationship with him/her
The first option that is walking out of relationship is not ideal. Try to avoid it as much as possible. Consider it only when the other person is cheating or lying to you extremely.
Opt for break up only when being in relationship is compromising your life. Don’t just jump to it straight away. Given that in every relation you need to do some adjustments from your side.
Now come to the second option that is of bringing change in other person. Once a genius said,
“Yesterday I was clever, so I tried to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
So don’t expect someone else to transform, cause it is not under your control. Only one thing you have control over is you.
Therefore below are the ideal options to deal with someone who has broken your faith.
- A good and positive communication
a. A good and positive communication
A good communication means to put your thoughts meticulously, without raising your voice or changing your tone. While you do so, try to sound as genuine as possible.
If communication is not working for you or other person is responding with anger or denial then just let it be. Because no matter how hard you try to change someone for good, it is never going to happen unless the other person is eager too.
Thus rather than trying to change someone accept his/her lies as a fact and keep on with life as if it is a new normal. Sometimes we need to realise that it is the way people are. It’s called growing up.
Food for thought :
I hope this article will guide you to live a better and smoother life. I wish it helps you to regain your emotional health. I will consider this blog post to be a success if it can bring even a slightest positive change in your idea of importance of trust in relationships.
You might not agree with me on all the points that I have mentioned. I would love to know your views in comment box below. Forward this post to your friends and family and help them out as well.
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